Mystery

The greatest mystery to me...is myself. I sometimes don't know why I react certain ways or why I can't just deal with things. After being alone with myself for so long I have overcome the lonliness and when people suddenly come around its like walking out into the sun after months of darkness. I can't stand the light and have to hid in darkness again. Eventually I come out but when I come outside I find the sun is hidden behind clouds and I'm once again in the shadows. The sun won't stay out for me, the sun wont wait. People don't wait. I've been feeling this lately. There's a great guy I know and I'm afraid of that light that he might offer because its not what I'm used to. I need to be in my comfort zone right now at this point of my life, yet like I said before; the light won't wait and people don't wait.

Standing in a room with hundreds of other people and I'm still alone. I'm sure you have felt this same way. Interesting isn't it? I feel so alone in this concept and I'm not.
Sometimes I feel that when I have these moments of sadness and despair I try to create something to express myself. Recently whenever I start something it turns out ugly and pointless. I saw the movie Sucker Punch, suprisingly it was a very insightful movie about personal turmoil. About diving into the layers of yourself to protect you against the ugliness of the world.

This was a bit of a self pity moment I had. Enjoy.

Online Dating

I've had a few experiences with online dating so far in the last year. First it was LDS Singles which wasn't very eventful, second there was LDS Planet.....now on this website it was eventful from the very beginning I was propositioned to make out. I told the creep off before deleting my account. Recently I've been on match.com and surprise surprise! I've been finding guys and going on dates. There's a real science almost to this online dating. Questions such as: Is the picture of the real person? How do you know they're not a psycho? How do you say you're not interested?
I've learned how to deal with these questions because I used to ask myself these questions when I first started. When someone I"m not interested in sends me a wink;) or an email and i check their profile and they're not my type i simply do not reply. This way you avoid all awkwardness and move on. Even if you get someone who emails you asking why you weren't interested DON"T ANSWER! I did this once and it was a long dragged out therapy session with the guy. If he isn't confident in himself he will ask you and you don't want to deal with a guy like that because that is not what you are looking for on a website meant to find love.
When I"m really interested in someone I request to be their friend on facebook to do a little facebook stalking. Suprisingly when you become friends with them their facebook reveals the truth and that will set you free. Somtimes they lied to you, sometimes they were being competely honest, and sometimes you are pleasantly surprised by the individual. The nice thing about online dating is it opens up this whole new world to you. Getting to know someone with no pressure is great, going at your own pace and finally seeing that you are a desired individual. I wasn't asked on many dates in high school and in my early college years they were lacking, when i started online dating it made me realize I was someone whom lots of guys were looking for. I like having the attention and can I tell you it has been a great learning experience. So ask me questions about it, I do online dating the smart way.